Nollywood actress Shaffy Bello has joined the growing debate over how younger people should address older adults, insisting that respect should be reflected in the titles used when speaking to elders.
Bello said she is uncomfortable when significantly younger people address her simply by her first name, arguing that age and social relationships should determine how people address one another.
Her comments come against the backdrop of a recent viral exchange involving United Bank for Africa Chairman Tony Elumelu, after a young woman addressed him as “Tony” at an event.
Elumelu corrected her and asked that she address him as “Mr Elumelu” or “TOE”, prompting a wider conversation on social media about age, respect, familiarity and changing cultural norms around the use of first names.
Speaking on a recent podcast, Bello said she does not hesitate to correct younger people who address her without an appropriate title.
“When a child calls me by my name, Shaffy, I pull them closer and tell them, ‘You haven’t earned the right, and you never will,’” she said.
‘You Have Not Earned the Right’
The actress explained that the issue is particularly significant to her because some of the younger people who address her by her first name are around the same age as her children.
She said the practice makes her uncomfortable regardless of whether the person intends disrespect.
“I have a child as old as you are, and even if I do not have children, you have not earned the right and you will never earn the right at your age to call me by name,” she added.
Bello's position reflects a more traditional approach to social etiquette, in which younger people are expected to use titles such as “Ma,” “Ma’am,” “Sir” or other respectful forms when addressing older adults.
‘Whatever Happened to Ma’am?’
The actress questioned what she described as the gradual disappearance of such forms of courtesy from everyday interactions.
“Whatever happened to Ma’am?” she asked.
She also expressed irritation with the increasingly common casual greeting “Hi”, particularly when used by younger people addressing elders without any accompanying title.
“There is even something about this ‘Hi’; I can’t stand it,” Bello said.
For the actress, the concern is not simply about vocabulary but about the values and upbringing reflected in everyday communication.
Culture and Upbringing
Bello acknowledged that differences in upbringing and cultural background can influence how people address older adults.
She pointed to differences between social practices in Nigeria and the United States, noting that respectful titles remain common in some settings even outside Nigeria.
“Even children in the U.S. call me ‘Ma,’” she said.
The actress said she therefore considers respect for older people an important value regardless of where someone was raised.
Her comments come amid a broader generational shift in social interactions, with younger people increasingly adopting informal forms of communication that emphasise familiarity and equality rather than traditional hierarchies.
While some regard the use of first names as a sign of openness and modern social etiquette, others consider it inappropriate when there is a significant age or social-status difference.
‘I Correct Them With Love’
Bello has previously spoken about her reaction when younger people greet her with expressions such as “Hi Shaffy”.
Rather than responding aggressively, she said she recognises that a person's upbringing and cultural environment may influence their approach.
She nevertheless maintains that such people should be corrected when necessary, particularly when addressing someone significantly older.
For Bello, the objective is not to create hostility but to preserve a culture of courtesy and respect between generations.
Her comments add another voice to the ongoing public discussion sparked by the Elumelu incident, with Nigerians continuing to debate whether traditional titles should remain an important part of social interaction or whether younger generations should be free to address older people by their first names.