Life After Divorce: A Spiral into Shame and Silence
Following the collapse of his marriage in 2016, Ayida said he was overwhelmed by shame and public scrutiny, prompting him to retreat from both his social and professional circles.
“It was a very publicised divorce, and that left me feeling very alone,” he said. “I withdrew from society. I was really ashamed — not just for myself, but for what I felt I had done to my family’s name.”
According to Ayida, his self-imposed isolation extended to his professional life. He stopped going to work, began losing business deals, and found it increasingly difficult to function.
“As a man, your work is your identity. I started to lose focus, motivation, and even the will to get out of bed in the morning,” he admitted. “That’s when it became a real problem.”
The Breaking Point: Hopelessness and Mental Health Struggles
Ayida described a year-long period where he felt completely disconnected from life, suffering from insomnia, paranoia, and a debilitating sense of worthlessness.
“I had checked out of life for a whole year. I was in a hole,” he said. “Even when I went out, I felt like everyone was looking at me, judging me. That would just send me back into isolation.”
He added that the “noise” of judgment, even when not explicitly expressed, haunted him constantly. “The feeling of hopelessness, even in silence, was insane.”
Turning Point: Taking Responsibility and Rebuilding
The breakthrough, according to Ayida, came when he decided he didn’t want to live in that mental space anymore. He began researching ways to recover from depression, and one key theme that emerged was accountability.
“I took the blame on myself. It made me feel worse initially, but then I began to take practical steps,” he said. “That’s when the healing started.”
By owning his mistakes and making conscious efforts to move forward, Ayida began reclaiming his sense of self and purpose.
Legal Battle and Public Fallout
Ayida’s divorce from Toke Makinwa became even more complicated after the publication of her 2016 memoir, On Becoming, in which she chronicled her side of the failed marriage. In response, Ayida filed a ₦100 million defamation lawsuit against Makinwa in 2017, accusing her of tarnishing his reputation.
In November 2020, a Lagos State High Court ruled in Ayida’s favour, awarding ₦500,000 in damages to a charity of his choice and barring the continued distribution of the book with the defamatory content.
Reflecting on the Journey
Now in a better mental space, Ayida’s testimony is being received as a courageous and transparent account of the emotional battles that often accompany public life. His story has sparked conversations around mental health, masculinity, and accountability in relationships — especially in the African context, where such discussions are still gaining ground.
By breaking his silence, Ayida adds a valuable voice to the conversation about healing after personal and public adversity, and the ongoing importance of mental health awareness.